Practice Feeling Bad?
Do you feel depressed or unhappy because that’s how you think you should feel?
I’d come across a method of getting rid of feelings of anxiety, which would eventually lead to great things that I wanted to create in my life. Who wouldn’t want that?
So I bought the book The Sedona Method, by Hale Dwoskin. It was a pretty easy read and the exercises were really simple. In recommending the book to my best friend, he’d got it but had one complaint.
“I wish the feeling of peace would last longer,” he said.
I agreed.
Then I was listening to one of my favorite speakers and author, Michael Neill, and he mentioned that most people felt any variance of unhappiness because they thought they should.
For example, if someone insulted you or cut you off while driving (man, I hate that) would you get angry? Want revenge (guilty)?
If you lost someone special, do you need to feel bad in order to mourn? Or can you mourn and feel at peace, or happy?
Maybe in some way we’re trained to feel unhappy. Bad thing happens, time to feel bad. Kinda like Pavlov’s dog. Or ever heard too much of a good thing is bad (religion anyone)? Don’t wanna feel too happy or else…what?
I don’t know. Happiness?
Then I realized that we practiced feeling not at peace that we got to be pretty goddamn good at it.
So when tools such as The Sedona Method comes along, we need to practice feeling happy, peaceful, instead of feeling unsatisfied that it didn’t work.
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If you’re always happy, how do you know you’re happy? Don’t you need to be sad sometimes to recognize the difference?
I’m a strong believer that every emotion is valid, or we wouldn’t be able to feel it. It’s getting STUCK in a single emotion (including joy) that’s unhealthy.
And peace isn’t an emotion. You can be at peace with your grief, knowing that it’s the appropriate response to a tragic event. I would be very suspect of someone who did not grieve a true loss.
The post isn’t advocating feeling happy all the time. That would be impossible. It’s like walking around not wanting to feel any pain, but when we fall, we do. It’s built into our bodies.
The post merely states that we put too much practice in not feeling happy. So when we do, we run away because we either know it’ll end, or that we just don’t know how to be happy for an extended amount of time.
I also never said peace was an emotion. I did say to feel peace. I can also say I feel hot, knowing that hot is not an emotion. Unless I’m referring to a hot chic. Those emotions tend to grow. Ahem.
But you feeling suspect if someone doesn’t mourn by feeling bad only indicates that we are programmed to feel bad when something bad happens. I’m like this. But I also realize there is another option of feeling, or being in peace when confronted with chaos.
Dogs and cats clearly mourn when they lose someone important (whether human or animal), and they’re certainly not “programmed” to feel sad. So why should we feel guilty on top of feeling the pain of loss? What would you think about a parent who didn’t grieve over the loss of a child? In my line of work I’ve met many parents who have lost children, and they all tell me the same thing: you never get over it. I would never suggest those people are choosing to be sad and they should make a better choice. That would strike me as particularly callous and unfeeling.
Then there are the people who seem to thrive on drama and would have no identity if they weren’t miserable most of their waking lives. These types need to Just Get Over It.
I’m just saying don’t fear emotions, even the worst ones. They’re always trying to tell you something, but once you’ve taken the time to listen and get the message, then move on. The emotion has served its purpose.