As a writer and a former student of acting, I people watch. Sometimes I’m judgmental when I don’t mean to be. A lot of times I form stories in my head. And most of the time the stories happen on their own. Not sure what it is that makes me do this, but here I am.

If you’ve read my bio, then you know how I feel about the martial arts school I’d come from. But in their defense they have worked very hard to become nationally recognized, especially under the Ed Parker name, and have good relations with certain officials in the Chinese community.

And in the great comedic words of Brian Regan: I don’t want to step on anyone’s beliefs…well…here we go.

I had received an invitation celebrating the head black belt’s 25th anniversary in martial arts, honoring him as teacher and master. The man has done a lot for the school and the discipline. And here’s where I have an issue: the discipline.

I had majored in kinesiology, study of human movement, at university. One of the fundamental principles in learning movement is repetition.

Take writing for example. When we first learned how to write the letter ‘A’, we probably traced dashed lines that formed that letter. The teacher then removed the training wheels and asked us to write the letter ‘A’ on a blank sheet of recycled paper. We learned how to sound out simple words like ‘see’, ‘dog’, ‘run’. Learned the basic structure of a sentence. Then we were taught what a basic paragraph looks like.

Learning martial arts isn’t too far from that. You learn what a fighting stance is, where to put your hands, learn defensive moves like blocking and attacks like punching and kicking. The teacher demonstrates. The student follows.

Once a student learns the alphabet (punching, kicking, blocking), simple self-defense techniques are taught. Someone grabs your shirt, you trap his wrists by grabbing them so he can’t hit you and knee him in the nuts, the balls, the family jewels. More properly known as the groin. (Why are all attackers male?) As the color of your belt changes, so does the complexity of the techniques, like learning how to write a paragraph.

There’s only one problem with this.

When a high school student is given an assignment to write an essay, she must come up with the words on her own. She’ll be given a subject, but she has to do the work.

Fighting is no different. When a person gets attacked, she must fend for herself. Her teacher won’t be there to help. And because people are different, so are their attacks. An attack on a woman will be different than on a man. A man attacking will be different than a woman attacking.

Now, if you’ve watched a boxing match, you’d know that a fight is very dynamic.

Fundamental principle in human reaction: When learning how to cope with two or more different kinds of stimuli, one must train in that similar environment. So if you want to play classical music, then you’ll train to play classical music. Make sense?

Boxers work on technique all the time. Thing is, he can have the best punch in the world, but it’s useless if he can’t hit his opponent. So he focuses on accuracy through different drills like mitt and bag work, and, more importantly, he spars. Not only does he have to contend with his own footwork and where he is in relation to his opponent, he must deal with his opponent’s aggression, physical strength, etc. However, having one sparring partner can become stagnant. Often boxers will have several to mix things up. One person’s tells in poker will differ from another, as an example.

My former school did almost no partner drills or pad/bag work with their general student population. No physical drills in an art that is physical. So what did they do? Practice self-defense techniques in the air. Something Bruce Lee argued against vehemently. Below is a video of how most of the training is done but wasn’t from the school I’m referring to. It’s just a random video that showcases my point.

It was at this point where I’d realized their method of teaching was highly limited. Then came the straw that broke the camel’s back.

We had often made fun of other disciplines like Tae Kwan Do, Karate and such. That once someone gets a black belt, they learn more of the same stuff. They have a saying: You learn more and more about less and less. Clever, yes. Astute? Not so much.

In the school, once a black belt is earned, “new” techniques are learned. All of which are practiced without a partner, in the air, like a student learning to trace more and more complex essays. The value wasn’t there. It’s like a wrestler practicing alone on the mat. If he only does that, he’s not going to fare well against a live person.

They teach: Think outside of the box but bring it to us first and we’ll let you know if we approve of it. My best friend brought them ideas, which they shot down, only to integrate them and call it their own. They gave no credit to my friend. Why? I’m not sure. I don’t think they know. Many of their teachers left, teachers whom I like to term thinkers.

So when I got the invitation, all I could think of was how little has changed there. Certainly, the head black belt has learned a lot. Knowing what I know about human movement, I am certain he’s learned more and more about less and less.

Spiritual Experience with Bruce Lee:  Part 1

With most Asian boys of my generation, Bruce Lee was da man.  Not only did he kick butt, but he always had a reason to do it.  When I was a kid, I’d fantasized:

“Hey you,” said some kid.

“What did you say to me?” I said.

“Gimme your lunch money.”

“You offend me, you offend my familee!”  I pointed at him, swipe my nose with my thumb.  “Whoppah!”

That was as far as my dialogue would go before I dealt some serious whoopin’ of the rear end.  I was a kid.  Around my teens years I’d discovered Bruce had been buried in Seattle, WA.  Just a couple of states above me.  Since then I’ve wanted to go on a quest to find Mr. Lee.

One year, my company forced us to go on non-paid vacation to save money.  I decided to fly up to Seattle and begin my Indiana Jones type search.  I was actually kinda anxious.  Bruce is buried in Lakeview Cemetery.  I fly into Seattle and ask the hotel clerk where Lakeview is.  They inform me it’s like 5-6 hours north.

What?!

Did I fly in the wrong city?  No!  I swore it was Seattle.  I turned to the net, searched, and bam.  Lakeview was 30 minutes away.  Whew!

It was a gray, sprinkly day, and I zoom down the highway with anticipation.  At this point in my life, I’ve read and studied the legend, so there was this energy around me during the trip.  The cemetery was pretty easy to find.  I park my studly rental, a Kia four door, and step onto the wet asphalt.  I look for a map like the kind you find at a mall that says, you’re here–big black arrow–Bruce is here–big red dot.  There was no such map.  A few brown sparrows landed on a patch of green but soon flew off.

I enter the large iron gates.  Whoa!

There must have been a few thousand tomb stones.  Most had names like Yang, Chang, Lang, Dang.  Dang it!  A lot of Asian people.  There were Lee’s, Chong’s, Chu’s…it was like trying to find the needle in a needle stack.  Thirty minutes roaming around where dead people are, and I couldn’t find da man.

Then I noticed something weird, something strange.  Was it a coincidence?

Come back tomorrow and check out part two.

If you’ve read my bio, you know that I’ve taught martial arts for some time.  I’ve even had my own business of privately teaching children sexual assault prevention.  This came about when I realized that the crap we were teaching was crap.  One thing they did teach that was useful was bustin’ balls.  I usually say this with a New York accent, but it’s hard to mimic that in type.

Bustin’ balls is a great way to protect yourself in a threatening situation.  It’s not life threatening, but it definitely is very effective.  A lightening quick kick to the family jewels takes very little skill.  With a little practice you too can kick balls well.

Some people think it’s a chicken way of fighting.  I agree.  If you’re fighting in the UFC, or doing any kind of sport fighting, then kicking someone between the legs is not nice.  Just hit him in the head real hard and try to knock him out.

The other balls that people don’t really think about are the eyes.  Most people know eyeballs are very sensitive.  What most people don’t know is how suseptible we are to pokes in the eyes.  Take a pissed off dude and poke him in the eyes.  He’ll still be pissed off.  But he won’t be able to see well.

Students have asked me what you should do after an eye poke.  I turned the question around.  They said, “Kick their ass!”, or “Kick them in the balls.”  All very good suggestions.  I told them to turn around and run away.

When I’ve taugh women, they’re all squimish about poking people in the eyes.  Don’t poke random people in the eyes.  Just when you’re life is in danger and have the opportunity.  Unlike the nuts, poking someone in the eyes should only be used in life threatening situations.

Happy ball bustin’.