One of my favorite things to do is read people.  I used to think that I had to be present, to be there next to the person, to feel their eyes.  And I don’t mean getting my grubby hands on people’s corneas.  To be there  wasn’t necessary.  But as instant messaging becomes a tool in corporations, it becomes a tool for me, and anyones else, to learn to read people through their IM.

People IM they way they talk.  Which is fine!  But it’s funny when people type “Uh…”  And they do type the … after the Uh.  Like they want you to know they’re thinking.  I’ve also seen my questions answered first with “er”.

Er?

Or what about the “Let me think about that.”  Why not just think about it, then respond once you’ve pondered, surmised, and worked through?

I also love the “Hmmm.”  I love it cause I do that when I don’t know how to respond.  Gives me time to think without typing let me think.

So what’s the point?

One thing that is true in our world, in our universe, is we’re all connected.  It’s the reason I can read people when they’re in my presence or not (something anyone can do).  There is an energy like the force in Star Wars that connects us all, connects us to the environment we live in.  We think of ourselves as separate beings, when we are really a single entity.  It’s the reason why when a person hurts someone, they in turn hurt themselves.  When people come back from war they’re forever changed and suffer from post traumatic stress disorder.  The death they see, the death they cause rips their souls.

Remember Harry Potter?  How Voldemort wanted to rip his soul into pieces by killing others?  There is truth in that.

I’ve had to think this about a lot.  The main character deals with this not only within himself, but with the families that are opposed to the erupting war.  A war that he’s partly responsible.

And of course this idea doesn’t just apply to death.  This applies to hurting someone emotionally.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve argued with my mom and felt guilty about it afterward.  Or the number of times I’ve fallen into severe arguments with my ex-girlfriends and felt horrible.  In the end, no one wins a fight.  Both sides are hurt, exhausted, and don’t want to connect with each other.

Is it better to be right, or to be happy?  Because isn’t the  meaning of life happiness?

A pet peeve of mine is people not listening to each other when they talk.  It’s one thing if passersby just greet each other.  But it’s another thing when I talk to a friend, and the next time I talk to them I have to repeat what I told them last time.  Weren’t you listening to me?  And if you weren’t interested, then why do you ask what I’ve been up to.  In listening to other people, I can tell who’s listening and who is only hearing.

Want to be more charismatic with people?  Listen.  It’s one of the biggest complaints women have of men.  But when I talk to women, a lot of them don’t listen.  And they wonder why guys don’t listen to them.

A couple of days ago I was in the lunch room.  Three ladies were sitting at a table.  A feast spread in front.  I was listening to them talk.  I do this a lot.  As a former student of acting, and now an author, I listen to people speak, toreadthem.  It’s a great way to learn what natural dialogue sounds like.  I’ve heard industry professionals theorize endlessly about natural dialogue, but just listening to others is the best way.  The best way to learn a new language is to submerge yourself in it.

But here’s another pet peeve of mine:

Lady #1:  Your son. He worked on Sunday?

Lady #2:  Well, you know, he, uh, you know, like, he works on Sundays, you know.

Lady #1:  Why?

Lady #2:  You know, he, you know, like, gets paid more, you know, um, Sundays. He even like, uh, worked on Mother’s day. You know? (laughs)

I can’t stand filler words.  I use them.  But not like that.  It was like watching the adult channel through all the fuzz because I wasn’t subscribed to it.  And this lady was in her fifties.  The above is exactly how she spoke.

One thing that authors have to keep in mind as we write dialogue is where the person comes from.  When researching for a character, there are several things that will affect their speech:  occupation, gender, age, culture, education, quirks, passions.  The list could go on and on, which can make writers go crazy trying to figure out speech patterns.  Lucky for us that 90% or more of speech is the same for everyone.

Dude #1:  Hey, wassup?  What you been up to?

Dude #2:  Man! Long time. Uh, not much. Just pluggin’ away, hangin’ out, terrorizing chics.

Dude #1:  Aw dude. I got this one chic…

The dialogue is fairly normal until the dudes rudely call women chics (wink), but a lot of guys do that.  But scenes aren’t made up of these normal everyday things.  Scenes usually get heated with conflict, tension, suspension.  So if we look at two guys who’re betting against each other, ten thousand dollars on the line on a basketball game, they’ll not only use lingo that pertains to basketball.  Their speech will get excited as the teams battle back and forth.

Heed the endless babbling of industry professionals as they theorize about dialogue.  But it’s way better and much more fun listening to others.  Read them.  Create mini stories as you listen.  I do this every day.

If you want to learn specific techniques about dialogue, check outBeyond Structure.

Continuing on with yesterday’s post ofReading People,I remembered something today that made me laugh.  Several months ago, I was working in another office.  They have those vending machines that dispences hot cocoa, coffee, tea, etc.

Periodically, the vendor will come to reload the machines and allow that particular coffee machine to give out free drinks.  All you have to do is press the clear plastic button, and, bam, free coffee or cocoa.  They can even choose between a large or small cup.  Keep in mind this happens often enough that once the worker bees hear about this a line forms.

Nothing funny so far, I know.

The one constant comment about the coffee?  “Yuck!”

Do the cubicle bees throw it out?  No.

What do they do?  That’s right.  They drink it.

Do they come back for more?  Yeah.

What is it about free stuff that no matter how bad it may be people will line up for it?  It’s the strangest behavior.

You see this in buffets.  People prepare themselves the whole day by not eating.  Once they get to the buffet they eat their fill.  They’ll continue to eat, making sure they consume the price of admission.  Then are they done, yet?  Well…there’s dessert.  You can’t have dinner and not have dessert.

They’ll load up on ice cream, cakes, cookies.  It’s as if they’ve never seen anything like this before and hoard all the sweets.  By the time they lug their goods back, they’re too full and leave most of the dessert.  And most buffet places have a policy of no doggy bags.

Why do people do this?

What’s crazier is the buffet called Todai.  They serve Asian style seafood like sushi, lobster, different filleted fish, etc.  This one Chinese lady had an empty plate.  She rapped her fingers along the bottom edge, waiting.  Saliva lined her bottom lip.  Her eyes widened.  The chef appeared from the back and placed about half a dozen halved lobsters.

This lady had no shame.  As he placed them on the serving plate, she scooped them up.  I’m not a huge fan of lobster, but, damn, scand-o-lous.

What is it with people?

It’s simple.  They don’t live in the moment, busy scarfing everything they can get their hands on, not enjoying life right now.  They’re constantly thinking there isn’t enough, living in the future, letting the present fly by.  And it’s no wonder when they’re on their death beds, they think, “What happened?”

The hero of my story deals with this on a constant basis.  It’s the one thing that saps his soul, making his job as peace keeper miserable.  He’ll have to find a way to cope.

How do you read people? Go with your gut.

What more is there?  Body language.  It’s said that at least 80% of what people say is through body language.  And in fact, people intuitively read body language.  They may not be conscious of it.

If someone is assertive, their posture is straight, chest out, shoulders back, head craned like a flamingo.

What if someone slumps, hesitates to look you in the eye, crosses their arms, and even angles their body away?  Could be signs of deception, signs of low self worth or esteem.  With everything remaining the same, but you add the characteristics of someone who’s assertive, then we can assume that person simply doesn’t find you attractive.  Or they can be looking for someone and just doesn’t see you.  Or they may be angry because someone stood them up.

But when reading people, I tend to go with my gut.  I do this with women.  Friends of mine have tried to set me up on blind dates.  The problem with that is within the first minute I can tell whether I have a connection with the woman or not.  And I’m old enough to realize the difference between lust and like.  Lust for men is pretty obvious.  Let’s just say feelings toward the woman I’m in lust for don’t originate anywhere within my chest.  And my eyes will most likely be focused on hers.

It sucks when I don’t feel a connection.  Cuz I gots to talks to her.  Kinda like talking to a blank wall.  I’m sure it’s the same for her.

Most people can’t seem to read people.  Why is that?  Have they lost that special power?  Can anyone read people?  First off, any human can read another human, unless said human doesn’t want to be read.  And you can lose that power by mistrust.  Whose trust?

Going with your gut means that you have to trust yourself.  Do you?  Well…do you need or ask others for their approval or opinion?  Read my post onGo with your gut. It’ll give you an example of how I seeked approval outside of myself.

The way to practice this is by people watching.  Sit in a mall.  As a person walks by, let your mind create a story.  And trust that it’s true, no matter how strange.  If you want to take a step further, go up and talk to them.  See how close your story came.

A better way of doing this is bring a friend.  My best friend and I used to do this a lot.  Most of the time we came up with the same story.  If our stories didn’t match, then we’d discuss why we read what we read.

Writing the emotions of different characters can take the form of telling:  He’s mad.  It can take the form of action:  He slammed his cup down.  It can take the form of body language:  She shoved him off and turned away.  Or it can take the form of dialogue:  “Get off me!”

Oooh.  Too much information.

Actors people watch a lot.  When I studied acting, I spent a lot of time people watching.  Now, I use that resource in my writing.  Because if you communicate emotion through just one way–telling, action, body language, dialogue–it can get boring.  Combining different ways allows for character development and variety.

Most important of all, trust yourself.  As kids, parents tell us ‘No’, ‘Do this’, ‘Do that’.  As a result, we’ve become reliant on others.  Rely on yourself, open your mind, and let the stories come about.  You may be surprised.

Today, I’ve uploaded my second favorite lecture from the San Francisco Writer’s Conference.  It’s not a lecture but a panel of literary agents from fiction to non-fiction, from Christian literature to inspirational.

We were allowed to ask questions on what they wanted to see in books, how to submit queries, synopsis, and they talked about platforms and self-publishing.  All of it will give you a glimpse into what they’re looking for.

I do want to warn you that a hyena sat next to me who didn’t have the most pleasant of breath.  Imagine me sitting, and every time you hear him laugh, his fiery breath singed the left side of my face.  However, it didn’t take away from what I learned.

The surprising thing about the whole experience is that the answers to some of these questions varied widely.  Amazingly, agents are just like people.  So finding the right agent is just a matter of sifting through all the wrong ones.  For most successful authors, they tend to stick with their agents for a long time.  Again it’s just a testament that perseverance is vital in the achievement of our dreams.

And the other thing that I learned from the whole conference is how much of an author’s success rests in the author’s hand.  One person went as far to state that 90% of our success sits with us.  If you’re curious to how, go to my posts on Brenda Novak and Branding.

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Have you ever gone to a room or a building and felt the energy?  Sometimes it feels like you’ve come home.  Other places feels like being in jail, confined?  I have.  I tell people this and they think I’m off my rocker.  A lot of times I am.  But I think that’s why I can feel the energy of the place.

The questions is, is it the place or the people?

The first time I went to Oahu and stepped off the plane, it felt like I’d finally come home from a long trip.  It was the first time I felt this so intensely.

Or when I was a boy my sister’s best friend had taken us to a church.  I must say that I hated it.  It just wasn’t for me.

Place or people?