Netflix.  It’s totally revolutionizing how people rent movies.  And it’s economical.  But this post isn’t about that.  It’s about The Road to Stripped.

Netflix offers a free two-week trial, and I thought I’d explore that.  Moving into my own place requires that I explore entertainment choices other than paying for cable.  And what was the first movie I watched?

Stripped

Jill Morley made a documentary about the lives of strippers, being one herself.  She’s not anymore but you can check her out at www.jillmorley.com.  Her new documentary Fighting It, follows the lives of five female fighters.  That should be interesting.

So you may be asking why I chose to watch Stripped. I’d like to say that I was doing some research for a new book or character.

No.

Plainly, I wanted to watch something naughty.

Then why didn’t I go to the millions of sites that hosts saltier types of media.  Been there, done that.  I also have a soft spot for strippers.  During my acting days in the city, I’d come to know and befriend a few strippers who took acting classes who wanted to break into mainstream entertainment.  And I became close to one in particular.

In talking to them, their perspective on men, strip clubs, work, children, and life is echoed in Stripped.  And unlike watching saltier types of videos, I didn’t find myself fast forwarding to the good parts.  The whole documentary was interesting.

But the thing that stuck out in my mind was how each stripper felt trapped.  The money they earned seemed to outweigh the toll it was taking on their soul.  Because it was the club owners who truly benefited from the clientele, the labor of these beautiful women, and the intense hard work, both emotionally and physically, they put in.

Aside from the tragic circumstances some of these women were in, what struck me was their view of men.  Everything a stereotypical male chauvinist pig represents is what their view of men is.  I saw how desolate they felt when talking about men.

And for some reason it reminded me of the book The Road.

No, the book didn’t contain any strippers.  Despite that essential element, wink wink, I loved the book.  The desolation described was incredible.  Incredible that I saw real images as I read.  Incredible that it’s one of the few books to affect me, to help me realize the abundance that I have, to remind me of the unending strength of the human soul, to show me what people could and would do when dignity is gone.

There was a scene in the book where a group of cannibals had chained about a dozen prisoners, and they were herding them back to their dwelling.  This coincided with a passage McCarthy wrote about cattle.  How we use cattle as beasts of burden, then slaughter them for food.  No one is ever shocked that we do this to cattle or any other animal.  But we’re totally shocked when we see people do this to other people.

Is there a difference?

Look at the owners of strip clubs.   Earning their meals on the labor of women.  Preying on men’s desire for sex.

Is there a difference?

Yeah, Jimmy.  Club owners aren’t eating these women.  Literally.

What about the soul?  Is that not as important?

I deeply explore the soul in my book.  I’ve thought about it a great deal.  I know I have one.  Art is an expression of the soul.  And because life mimics art, or art mimics life, I chose to make it important both in art and life.

In saying that, pieces of strippers’ souls are being taken away each night they dance.  Each lap dance they give, a part of their soul is lost.  Each dollar they earn, they give up a part of what makes them a human being.  This is what I felt when watching Stripped, or whenever I talked to my friend who worked in that industry, or when reading about the cannibals in The Road.

Now here’s a question for you.  When you work in your day job, as I do, do you feel a part of you is torn away?  At the end of the day, what is your life about?  At the end of your life was working all those extra hours worth it?

Or are you the fortunate few who’ve discovered your passions, your life’s purpose, and truthfully love what you do?

If you’ve read my bio, you’ll know that I’ve taught martial arts/sexual assault prevention for 16 years.  More than half of the people I taught were kids of all ages.  Eventually, I came to disagree with the one size fits all treatment way of teaching.  The problem comes from looking at a group class and not see the individuals.  Soon I’d started my business of teaching privately, focusing on the individual.

Kids represent an interesting puzzle.  They’re very much like adults.  They think about adult things, they try and act on adult decisions, but many times they don’t have the wisdom or knowledge on how to go about it.  This is where the parent is essential.  Here’s what I’ve learned from teaching hundreds upon hundreds of kids:

1. Always listen.
   • Specifically listen for words that’ll indicate whether they need your help or not.  Sometimes kids, just like adults, need to let go of the thousands of thoughts that go through their minds.
   • If you can’t read whether they need help or not, then ask them.
2. Listen without judgment.
   • Parents always complain to me about their kids losing their trust.  I think it’s even worse to lose the trust of your child.  Lose the trust of your child, you lose the ability to truly help.
   • If your child has done drugs, had sex, drank alcohol, it may come down to a couple of things.
     • They’re dealing with issues of emptiness, loneliness, nonacceptance, isolation, etc.  Some form of connection has been lost.  It’s the reason why kids of divorced parents tend to succumb to things like drugs, or kids join gangs, or kids seeking sex to feel that lost connection.
     • They’re being forced to do something they don’t want to do.  The source of this could be a parent forcing them to do well in school, molestation of some kind, nagging  adults – parents, coach, teacher, bullying.  One thing that most parents or adults realize is that kids know what they want and don’t.  That doesn’t mean you don’t guide them to do well in school, or go to sleep at a reasonable hour, or talk to them about sex, drugs, alcohol.  But decisions on social activities, academic activities, family activities should be a dialogue between parent and child.
3. Ask questions.
   • Whether they’ve threw up all their problems, or keep quiet, ask questions.  Even if they don’t say anything, it will open up lines of communication.  But please ask questions on what they’ve talked about first.  Once and if they’ve answered those, then a door may be opened for you to ask other questions that may concern you.
   • If they ask you what you think or what to do, turn the question around and ask them.  This is a really great way of finding out how mature your child is.  Many times I’ve found that my client knew what to do, but didn’t know if it was correct.  If they’re solution to their issue made sense, I’d congratulate them for coming up with it, then I’d agree.
   • Follow up with them to see if they’ve followed through.  Again, listen, don’t judge, ask questions, and guide them.
4. If your kids don’t have any serious issues like having sex too early, use of drugs, etc, then you’ve got a great kid.  Again, most of the parents I work with don’t count their blessings.  They focus on what their kids don’t have.  “They got a B instead of an A.”  So what?  They’re healthy, happy, and in your life.  Remember, you wanted to have kids.
5. Last tip, view your kids as adults.  They may not be 18, but their core characteristics will remain for the rest of their lives.  There was a study that stated once a child is three years old, their personality had been developed and ingrained.
   • This brings up an important point.  Start discipline early.  Too many times I’ve seen spoiled children run over their parents.